How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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This beloved book has touched hundreds of thousands of lives with its profound and actionable advice. Retaining the core message of becoming more mindful in our relationships, this edition includes new and revised material that addresses how we live and love today. A new preface touches on David Richo’s experience with the book over time and outlines the key updates, including attention to online dating and modern communication styles as well as new perspectives on anger and ending relationships.
“Most people think of love as a feeling,” says Richo, “but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.” How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships. Adult love is based on a mutual commitment to what Richo calls the “five A’s”: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. Brimming with practical exercises for couples and singles, How to Be an Adult in Relationships offers heartening insights into a lifelong journey of love. Topics include:
• Becoming conscious of our relationship patterns and how they relate to childhood
• Recognizing and attracting someone who can show adult love
• Understanding the phases relationships go through
• Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries
• Overcoming fears of abandonment and engulfment
• Expressing anger and other emotions in adult and loving ways
• Surviving break-ups with our self-esteem intact
• Understanding love as a spiritual journey
From the Publisher
Interested in How to Be an Adult in Relationships? Check out David Richo‘s latest book.
In By Your Side, David Richo offers powerful tools and insights to help you find and work with the assisting forces in your life.
The “assisting force” archetype is a necessary character on our human journey. After all, in every heroic story, the hero or heroine requires a trustworthy companion to fulfill their destiny. The assisting force can take many forms, but is often depicted as a sidekick, an aide, a wise advisor, or a spirit guide. In stories, an assisting force can also be an elixir, a magic form of help, an animal, or a wish-fulfilling gem.
In this fascinating inquiry, Richo posits that the archetype of the ally is necessary if we are ever to be fully who we are. He shows us how assisting forces are in and around us, and how we can be one to others. Richo offers a compelling and accessible view—and time-tested practices including meditation, self-inquiry, journaling, and affirmations—that help us recognize and access the allies in our lives.
Publisher : Shambhala; Anniversary edition (November 2, 2021)
Language : English
Paperback : 320 pages
ISBN-10 : 1611809541
ISBN-13 : 978-1611809541
Item Weight : 14.2 ounces
Dimensions : 7.78 x 3.18 x 10.74 inches
10 reviews for How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
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B. Mandel –
Love the Book
Still in the beginning of the book, but just love it so far. It’s already worth the money spent, which is why I feel comfortable giving it a premature review.First, I’ll comment on the seller, RRP Books, as I bought a used book. I found the seller’s description of the book condition to be very accurate and would trust buying used books from them again. My book is in like new condition and was reasonably priced.About David Richo… I see several people posted negative reviews and can’t help but wonder if at least a few of them completely missed the mark of what the author is getting at in principle. This is not a save your relationship book at all… it is about using mindfulness to be a better partner in a relationship and also find more peace within yourself and your relationships with others… and one could extend these same principles to all interpersonal relationships, not just the romantic ones. I totally get and appreciate what the author is saying and find it immensely helpful. Also, I love that he’s incorporating western psyche (Jung and others) and eastern mindfulness and detachment of ego. In essence we need to have a healthy Self and then let go of the egocentric part that sometimes induces fear-based and anxiety-driven thinking / action and impedes healthy relating and being. The author advocates loving through giving our partners (and I would say anybody we love) attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. This is a very healthy way of being, and by the way… if you are doing these things and are in a struggling relationship, you might be able to save it by becoming a better partner -that presupposes, of course, that the relationship is worth saving in that your partner is suitable and also willing to work on being a giving healthy partner who respects you. Equally, if you have to let go of a relationship, applying the principles and practices in this book could help you do so with less pain by realizing what is good and healthy for you and accepting yourself and your partner for who you are as individuals even if you can’t make it together as a couple.My own two cents… in my opinion, a lot of people in this world focus on giving their partner attention, appreciation, and affection early on in a relationship… but if these things dwindle later on they often give way to projected fears that the relationship has changed or one partner is not giving their all, or may be cheating, etc. etc. Really, though, how many people give their partner complete acceptance and allow them to be who they are as they are in the present moment without focusing too much on delving into the past or fearful projection about the future? Sometimes, though, a relationship isn’t right for us. By practicing mindfulness we can see when a relationship is healthy, needs work, or needs to be let go of for our benefit. I think people who are happy are not only compatible (even if they are opposites they can be compatible as complements) but really accept their partners and support their partners healthy personal growth without trying to control or change them (or the relationship) into someone they really aren’t or aren’t meant to be. I think happy couples can also feel relaxed around each other, trust each other, nurture one another’s talents and individual life passions, and give themselves and each other space to be who they are and change and grow without feeling threatened. Such feelings arise from our own insecurities. Anyway, I bought this book because I want to practice mindfulness and be a better person for myself and also for the people around me -not just romantic partners.I digress; getting back to the author… I like David Richo’s style, though the writing is more simple and not literary genius. It is also very, very repetitive, but I like that it is repetitive so the key points get driven into my brain. He also writes in a more loose style, which is very suitable for a book on mindfulness. Not everyone will appreciate that and some may prefer a more scholarly or western-style authoritative and linear approach. David Richo’s style works for me, and I’ll definitely buy other books of his. I am also interested in learning about mindful eating to develop a healthier relationship with food and be a physically healthier person. Healthy body, mind, soul… we are all constant works in progress.
Palikaji –
From Your Own Worst Enemy to Your Own Best Friend
David Richo is brilliant – your best undiscovered assistant in the transformational soul centric journey to authentic adulthood from wounded stumbling around child trying to be an adult in relationships, work, and community – who’s trying really hard to get love, give love, and live in peace and joy all over your life. This book is the missing manual for how to become an allowing, no reactive, self responsible, self loving, other loving, kind, understanding and empowered being to stand fully in attending, appreciating, accepting, allowing and loving all of you and all of everyone else too! His writing is not filled with technical lingo or hard to relate to case studies, but feels very personal and alive because you know he is doing and has done this work himself.It doesn’t matter if you are wanting to have a satisfying love partnership, be a loving and successful parent, collaborate in successful co creative partnerships in your work, or have an empowered relationship with God/Spirit/Life/Goddess – this book will give you concrete understanding of what is getting in the way and concrete practices to restart your _ WHO I AM and HOW AM I BEING – journey with effective tools. Richo’s goal in all of his writing is integrating unrecognized and unowned shadow parts of yourself, getting to know all the parts/voices/beliefs that are sabotaging you, understanding and grieving for the holes that your not so perfect parents and early teachers and early relationships left you with – without stirring up blame and hatred but rather loving for them and for you. Instead we become friends with all of the repugnant, ugly, not working so good part of us and discover what their gifts are to us. Thus we come to understand that actually all we yearn for – is possible first and foremost by taking responsible to lovingly and kindly give it to ourselves.David Richo is gifted in bringing together the wisdom of transpersonal and developmental psychology with the loving path of mindfulness, radical honesty and compassion practice and what it leads to is a healing of egocentric intimacy phobic relational practices and introverted codependent styles of relationing – both in the end strategies for healing the wounds within and getting the unconditional love, attention, acceptance, allowance, affection and appreciation we all need to be WHOLE and feel confident to share our gifts with the world and others. By learning to mirror ourselves and others and finally get that humans will sometimes be brilliant, loving, understanding, forgiving, giving and appreciative – they will also betray us, not come through, misunderstand and misattribute our intentions, be hurtful and mean. The practice is not making it personal to others or about ourselves – rather embrace our humanity and clean up the messes inside that get in the way of consistent empowering methods of relating, loving, getting needs met and understanding others needs and supporting each other in a commited way to the practices. His is a journey of soul centric living.If you’re ready to take responsibility to change your life and begin core routines and practices that empower, love, forgive, understand yourself and others in relationships – I strongly urge you to start with this book and then move onto When The Past is Present and then onto Daring to Trust – then Adulthood in Faith Relationship and then Shadow Dance and The Five Things We Cannot Change; all by Richo. For therapeutic practitioners, coaches, mentors, counselors, parents, teachers, activists these books are chock full of dyadic and group and solo exercises that really work. I also strongly encourage co-readings/workshops by Pema Chodron, Bill Plotkin, Richard Louv, Jon Young, Thomas Berry, Wendell Berry, Joanna Macy, Marshall Rosenberg, Margaret Wheatley, Robert Gonzalez […] Judith Lasater. Don’t wait for stepping up into your greatest potential – this is your one beautiful amazing life and anything can be healed because we are Nature and Nature is in a perpetual state of wholing, and transforming. Yes we can!
Lorraine –
Thought provoking, enlightening
Have been reading and studying this book for about 5 days. Every page is soul touching and informative. May be best book I’ve ever read but just started it.
Gabriel DÃaz Capote –
Book
Somewhat heavy read. It is a bit spiritual rather than educational.
Lady Ann –
The best book of its kind
I’ve read countless self-help/relationship books. This is the first one that makes me want to photocopy every page and share it with friends and/or clients. (I don’t, but I so want to.) If I were wealthy enough, I’d buy about 20 copies and keep them on hand to share.The section on conflict and anger alone is worth the price of the book. We simply are not taught how to manage conflict in relationships, and this book has solid suggestions for how to navigate the rough parts.I wish I’d discovered this on the day it was published. It would have given me a lot more wisdom at times when I most needed it. Not just in romantic relationships – but with friends and family and coworkers and employers as well.A must-have guide to being around the other humans. And to becoming your best self.
Carl –
It definetly made me grow as a person.David talks about ”acting like an adult” vs. ”acting like a child” and how when you get in the habit of being mindfull you become more wise and at peace with yourself and others.Its a 10 out of 10 for me.
A –
Llegó MUY maltratado
Tinatin –
Great book, defintely worth reading.
Roxana –
Excellent book, easy to read, full of good practices and insights.
Rosie Becker –
Worth a read whether we are encountering a new relationship, in the midst of one or leaving one. I highly recommend it. It requires you to do a lot of work but you can read it without the practices as an initial run through and still gain a lot of information which you can then use to see which excercises to prioritise.